*mindless ramble of my feelings and thoughts over the past few weeks*
I'm tired, I'm stressed out and I'm being pulled in all directions. Things have been going downhill for abit, with assignments piling up, exams coming soon, stressed bout the SOY cosplay event and worried that I maybe becoming cold to the people around me because I always tell them the same thing lately when they try to talk to me which is, "assignment due soon. Chat later" which the "later" part never actually arrives.
I went for the SOY cosplay event today (or yesterday, depending on the timing I guess) and honestly, I was majorly disappointed. The location sucked, there were too many people and my team was anything but cooperative. Even my makeup sucked because of the build up of stress, late nights and sheer tiredness which caused my skin to flare up abit and look worn out. Even applying my thick photography/cosplay makeup couldn't conceal my tired, worn out look but I still kept a happy front and tried to help others the best I could with their makeup, outfit and wigs. But I couldn't pose properly for photos because I didn't feel my best and when I tried to smile, I noticed that my cheeks kept shaking and just wouldn't hold the smile, so I probably look glum and unhappy in alot of pictures.
I had to rush from the event to an exam and was bit upset at some of my team who took their time to do things and then was like all shocked and surprised that I had to leave without taking a team photograph with them, depsite telling everyone of them long ago that I had to make an early exit. I kindda feel that my personal sacrifice of choosing to carry on being the front person of the team instead of abandoning it and disappointing my team to study for my test was unappreciated, with people complaining bout everything and anything under the sun all day or conveniently disappearing from the team at regular intervals and not giving a damn about others. Perhaps I should just try to avoid doing cosplays in large teams from now on.... not much good seems to come from doing them and I'm often left feeling drained physically and emotionally everytime.
And speaking bout cosplay, a damn seller on Taobao ignored my agent's orders and thus i'm left with a sub standard obi belt for my Gintama Kagura costume that doesn't even have a ribbon. So I either have to find a piece of cloth that resembles the obi belt and make the damn ribbon myself (which I really have no idea how I'm gonna do that), or I'll just use my yellow yukata obi in replacement since the colour is pretty much the same anyway. On the bright side, things are looking up.
I found a $5 note during the event today (I've always considered finding money a sign of good luck, and I've never picked up this amount before), the exam paper I had today was weirdly similar to the practice test paper I did just this week, and I've decided to drop from 3 modules down to 2 in the next trimester so that I can better cope with the assignments, and the exams will be over soon, so i can finally take my well-deserved break and finish up some overdue shoots.
Note to self, just hang in there, remember that with darkness there is always light at the other end...